Satire

Several security alarm companies are named defendants in a class-action lawsuit representing thousands of out-of-work burglars and home invaders. The lawsuit claims that these alarm companies have made it impossible for many burglars to properly do their jobs, forcing them to look for work in other industries. Those who’ve stayed in the industry have cited increased work-related stress.

The lawsuit claimed damages of several types, with some burglars claiming PTSD just from seeing security alarm logos. Read more

In response to the Ugly Christmas Sweater phenomenon, companies have emerged to try and cash in on the phenomenon.  Once the realm of hipsters, old people with no fashion sense, and children forced to wear the ugly sweater grandma or grandpa bought them, the ugly Christmas sweater phenomenon has become a staple in holiday fashion.

A few companies decided to try and make a year-round go of the phenomenon and all have failed.  In a recent interview Jason Bruntsworth from Bruntsworth Retailer Inc (which recently filed for Chapter 11) tells us:

We figured since they was selling so well in Christmas we could sell em year round.  For example, we looked at the numbers some companies were doing in December and figured we could do 12 times that amount by selling Ugly Christmas Sweaters all year round.  So we opened a store in April.  Since then we’ve sold maybe 4 sweaters.  I don’t understand!  I think maybe we must be in another recession or something.

Other “summer sweater” companies reported similarly dismal results.